that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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