you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we're making bets on your personal life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
