On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's always time for handjobs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
