walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
