It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
birth control should be required to get into college
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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