hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
