think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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