I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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