i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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