just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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