THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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