i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't