the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
