you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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