u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
