So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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