I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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