Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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