Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
