I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
