I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
