There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm too high and old for this...
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