Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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