I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
