So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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