it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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