oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
