Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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