onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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