she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
