I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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