how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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