So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
