I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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