Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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