I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
jump out the window naked night went bad
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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