we're blogging at a bar
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
