you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
