Say something about gay babies.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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