im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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