Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
