belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
