His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
