I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
