After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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