Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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