I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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