On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
