I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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