Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
