she was so not down for the gang bang
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
