sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
