A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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