You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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