Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
