Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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