he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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