where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
even my farts smell like vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
