Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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