i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
