you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
