He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
