Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
