how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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