he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
