Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found your dick twin last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
