Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
