Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
