I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my poor anus
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
