Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
