the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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