let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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