How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
