Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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